I Don’t Want Beyonce To Be My Mom

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To everyone’s surprise, viewership for the Grammy’s went up this year. More predictably, the award show was rather political. From the nominees to the winners to their speeches, every element seemed to be viewed with increasingly critical eyes from all sides. Most notably, Adele commented on Beyonce not taking the Record of the Year award, saying, “You move my soul every single day. And you have done so for nearly 17 years. I adore you, and I want you to be my mommy, alright.” The statement was received harshly by some and  has brought into question the privilege of the singer as well as the diversity of the Grammy’s.

My biggest issue with Adele’s speech is this: Beyonce wouldn’t be my #1 pick as a mom.  As much as I definitely wouldn’t say “no” to Beyonce adopting me and being my supermom, there are a few other members of the music community whose families I would absolutely join should I be given the opportunity. We could order in thai food, go on a skiing holiday, attend the Grammy’s together– you know, all the regular family stuff.

5. Adele

The artist that started all the drama. This English singer songwriter is one power ballad away from destroying me entirely. Even though her work makes me ugly cry, I’d still absolutely join the Konecki fam and hang out with her, Simon, and baby Angelo.

4. Carrie Brownstein

If Sleater-Kinney could just be my collective moms, I think we’d all be better off. How else will I ever achieve true “Modern Girl” status? These rockers, led by Brownstein of course, are the perfect role models.

3. Liv

PWR BTTM’s Liv would make my second childhood a glitter-filled adventure for the ages. We could watch Scandal together, fight the patriarchy, do each other’s hair. The possibilities are endless. Plus, bandmate/de-facto weird uncle, Ben Hopkins could join in and we could all go thrifting.

2. Michelle Zauner

Whether she’s acting as a part of Little Big League or Japanese Breakfast, Zauner is absolute mom material. We could jam on the guitar, listen to The Cure and go through Mastering the Art of French Cooking as well as other Julia Child’s cookbooks together.

1. Janelle Monáe

More actor than musicians these days, Monáe is a multi-talented force to be reckoned with. Having starred in both Moonlight as well as Hidden Figures, she might not have time to but if she ever wants to go shopping for tuxedos or talk dandyism, I’m in.

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